bored

bored by my own thoughts
how can I think about something new?
I wish I could surprise myself
– and I sometimes do
but most of the time I’m too
familiar
stable
or worst
I lack the unknown
the thrill of discovery
but even when I explore
I look mostly inward
how to
get out?
become other
loose myself again?

truth is: I’m not as interested in the world as I used to be
is this just getting old? more traumatized? or both? Did I just lack the space that could allow me to be interested?
I don’t want to know that much – I want to live, I want to feel, and I guess this makes me more focused towards myself than a quest for knowledge would

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